My Fair Lady |
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| Act:3 Scene:1 | Royal Ascot | |
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It is the race meeting at Royal Ascot.
Baloo and Colonel Pickering turn up with Flossie.
They have found a large hat decorated with fruit for Flossie to wear.
The wide brim of the hat serves the double purpose of concealing
Flossie's decidedly sheepish face from the other race goers whilst
equally hiding the apparent edible decoration on top from Flossie
and thus saving the sheep the social embarrassment of being publicly
caught eating a hat.
Colonel Pickering's concerns seem to be largely unfounded and Flossie seems to mix readily with Baloo's social acquaintances. If Colonel Pickering had thought about this more carefully, he would have realised that any social group capable of accepting a talking bear of a most eccentric mode of dress, would not have too much trouble with a polite sheep wearing a hat. Baloo is taking the responsibility of introducing Flossie to the other guests. The brim of the hat eliminates the view of anything above knee height, so Flossie tries to remember the names of each pair of ankles as they are introduced.
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| Baloo: | Lady Boxington. May I introduce Flossie? | |
| Lady B: | My dear Flossie. | |
| Flossie: | How nice of you to let me come. | |
| Lady B: | Delighted, my dear. | |
| Flossie: | How do you do? | |
| Lady B: | How do you do? | |
| Baloo: | Lord Boxington. | |
| Flossie: | How do you do? | |
| Lord Boxington looks down at Flossie. Since Flossie is a small sheep and obliged to normally have all four feet on the ground, all Lord Boxington can see is the top of a wide-brimmed hat decorated with fruit. Beneath and behind the hat he can just make out the end of a little woolly rump and tail. It has been carefully shampooed and brushed by Mrs Brown. Lord Boxington is unsure whether it is part of the occupant of the hat or a fashion accessory. | ||
| Lord B: | 'Pon my soul! How do you do? | |
| Baloo: | Mrs. Eynsford-Hill, Flossie. | |
| Flossie: | How do you do? | |
| Mrs E-H: | How do you do? | |
| Baloo: | And Paul Pixie. | |
| Flossie: | How do you do? | |
| Paul Pixie: | How do you do? - Flossie. - Good afternoon, Professor Higgins. | |
| Paul Pixie: | The first race was very exciting, Flossie. I'm so sorry that you missed it. | |
| Flossie: | Will it rain, do you think? The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain. But in Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire... hurricanes hardly happen. | |
| Paul Pixie: | How awfully funny. | |
| Flossie: | What is wrong with that, young man? - I bet I got it right. | |
| Paul Pixie: | Smashing. Hasn't it suddenly turned chilly? I do hope we won't have any unseasonable cold spells. They bring on so much influenza, and the whole of our family is susceptible to it. | |
| Flossie: | My aunt died of influenza, so they said, but it's my belief they done the old sheep in. | |
| Paul Pixie: | Done her in? | |
| Flossie: | Yes, Lord love you. Why should she die of influenza... when she'd come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. Not enough wool, if you ask me. | |
| Paul Pixie: | Not enough wool? | |
| Flossie: | Not enough wool. That the problem with the world today, if you ask me, not enough wool in it. | |
| Paul Pixie: | What an amazing idea, Flossie! | |
| Flossie: | Wool is a wonderful material. You can make almost anything out of wool and wool is a panacea for many ailments, most of which are unknown to medical science. And where does wool come from, young man? | |
| Paul Pixie: | Sheep? | |
| Flossie: |
Yes, Sheep! The strength of a nation is in its sheep.
Sheep are the heart and soul of a country. A country that
looks after its sheep will prosper and become great.
Mother used to tell me tales from long ago when there were hero sheep. Sheep whose wool was so tough it could be used for most any purpose. Sheep were highly prized and the very best sheep joined the Kings own flock. In those days many things were made out of wool. It was a golden age. Whole castles would be knitted out of wool. Vast armies would be clothed in woollen armour. One King knitted his entire kingdom. | |
| Paul Pixie: | Whatever happened to it? | |
| Flossie: | It sunk. He had to put it in the sea because the land was already full of other kingdoms and even the best wool can get a bit wet. I have heard tell, though, that there are big fish in the sea that, to this day, are wearing woolly jumpers made from that long lost kingdom. | |
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Colonel Pickering was starting to wonder whether teaching
Flossie to talk had been such a good idea. When he had
first met Baloo, he had come to a rapid and, he believed,
sound conclusion that the bear was rather loosely configured
in the reality department. Compared with Flossie, however,
the bear seemed as normal as anyone else. There was something
nice and comfortingly reliable about brandy - the Colonel
decided to go and befriend another bottle.
The Colonel did not realise just how lucky everybody was. Flossie essentially had two conversational gambits when not talking about the weather, as instructed. The first was wool; the unfortunate second was the lavatorial logistics of field-life. | ||
| Col. Pickering: | I'm afraid I have to be going, Higgins! Enjoy the race, Flossie! | |
| Flossie: | Goodbye Colonel. Hmmm . . . the race. How do I enjoy the race? | |
| Paul Pixie: | I have a bet on number seven. I shall be so happy if you would take it. You'll enjoy the race ever so much more | |
| Flossie: | That's very kind of you. | |
| Paul Pixie: | His name is Dover. Come along, my dear. Come along. There they are again lining up to run Now they're holding steady They are ready for it Look, it has begun Come on. | |
| Noises off: sound of horses hooves. Crowd becomes animated and noisy. | ||
| Paul Pixie: | Come on, Dover! Come on. | |
| Race Crowd: | Come on, Dover! Come on! | |
| Paul Pixie: | Come on, Dover! | |
| Flossie is now very excited and leaping up and down, trying to get a better view. Finally, managing to achieve a good perch on one of the seats, and overcome with the excitement of the moment, Flossie temporarily forgets the lessons of the past six months. | ||
| Flossie: | BAAaaaAAH! | |
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Everyone turns and looks at Flossie.
Suddenly they are very aware that they are sharing their
select box with a sheep. They are surprised that they had
not noticed it before.
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