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My Fair Lady |
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Act:2 Scene:1 |
Baloo Higgin's Study
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Baloo Higgins and Flossie are sitting facing each other across Baloo Higgins' desk.
Colonel Pickering is sitting in an easy chair helping himself to the brandy.
Baloo is looking serious and determined. Flossie is looking studiously serious,
as if trying very hard to learn. Colonel Pickering is looking a little tipsy.
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Baloo:
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In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, Hurricanes Hardly Happen.
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Flossie:
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Baaa!
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Baloo frowns, Col Pickering smiles quietly to himself, Flossie looks alert and attentive,
clearly keen to learn, but equally clearly not very able.
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Baloo:
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In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, Hurricanes Hardly Happen.
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Flossie:
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(closing eyes and obviously trying very hard) Baaa!
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Baloo:
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Hmmm. This may be trickier than I thought.
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Col. Pickering:
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We seem to be almost out of brandy again.
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Mrs Brown enters.
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Mrs Brown:
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If you please, sir, there's a shepherdess downstairs, a Miss Suki Bo Peep, who wants to see you.
She says you have her sheep here.
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Baloo:
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Well, you'd better send her up.
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Col. Pickering:
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Sounds like trouble to me. I know about trouble.
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Baloo:
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Nonsense.
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Suki Bo Peep, wicked shepherdess of Olde London Town sweeps into the room,
dressed in shepherdess white and exactly according to Nursery Rhyme protocol.
She carries a crook in one hand that has obviously seen some service judging
by the dents. The crook is bigger than her, but she obviously knows a thing
or two about using it.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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G'day cobber. I come about a very serious matter, guv'ner.
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Baloo:
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Brought up in Hounslow. Mother Welsh, I should think. What is it you want, Bo Peep?
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Suki Bo Peep:
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I want my sheep, that's what I want. See?
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Baloo:
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Well, of course you do. You're its keeper, aren't you? I'm glad to see you
have a spark of professional feeling left. - Here it is. Just take it away
at once.
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Suki looks down at the sheep. Flossie looks up adoringly at the shepherdess.
Suki Bo Peep punches Flossie in the face. Flossie jumps down and hides under
the table peeking out cautiously, but still adoringly.
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Baloo:
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You punched that sheep!
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Suki Bo Peep:
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No, I didn't!
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Flossie:
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Baaa!
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Suki Bo Peep catches sight of Col Pickering.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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'Ere. Aven't I seen you somewheres before?
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Col Pickering looks sheepish, though not as sheepish as Flossie.
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Col. Pickering:
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Err.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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Ain't I seen you hanging around my flock? Wasn't you the gent I caught bothering this little
sheep's mother?
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Flossie's ears perk up. Flossie's mum had always said that father had been a grand old ram
called Mutton Jeff, but the young sheep starts to wonder and peeks out at the Colonel. Could
there be a family resemblence? Bo Peep's hands tighten around the crook. Colonel Pickering
suddenly finds something incredibly interesting to look at in his brandy glass - it isn't brandy
though, since he's just finished drinking it. Baloo takes charge of the situation, which has
moved somewhere beyond his ability to understand, and pulls it back on track.
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Baloo:
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The sheep, Bo Peep. - If you want it just take it now.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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Here, guv'ner, I've, uh, I've took a sort of a fancy to you. And, uh, if you want the sheep, well,
I ain't so set on havin' it back again. But what I might be open to is, uh, an arrangement. All I
ask is my rights. You're the last man alive to expect me to let it go for nothing. I can see you're,
you're one of the straight sort, guv'ner. So, uh, what's a five-pound note to you... and what's
Flossie to me?
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Flossie:
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(crestfallen) Baaa!
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Suki Bo Peep hefts the crook, both Col. Pickering and Flossie flinch, but Baloo is made of less sensible stuff.
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Baloo:
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You'd sell your own sheep?
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Suki Bo Peep:
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Too right, guv'ner. I knows a daft bear when I sees one! And a girl needs her alkypops.
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Baloo hesitates - there seems to be something vaguely disrespectful in Bo Peep's attitude,
but he seems unable to identify just what it might be. Baloo has a familiar gambit, however,
which always seems to earn respect.
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Baloo:
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Let me make it ten pounds.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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Done.
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Baloo, somewhat implausibly, produces a ten pound note from the waistband of his hula skirt.
The shepherdess wastes no time in relieving the bear of the effort of having to hold such a
weighty piece of paper. The ten pound note disappears in a way that makes its reappearance
in this play unlikely. Suki Bo Peep disguises her mercenary nature with a sweet smile.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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I knews you was a gent, Sir, soon as I laid eyes on you! Either that or a vertical rug.
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Baloo:
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Then be off with you, Bo Peep. Our business is concluded.
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Suki Bo Peep:
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Right ho, Sir! Enjoy your sheep. And make sure it don't stray.
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Suki Bo Peep, the wicked shepherdess leaves. Colonel Pickering breathes a sigh of relief.
Flossie bleats mournfully. Baloo, however, looks most exuberant and thoroughly pleased with
himself and the clever deal he has struck.
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